You

Are a walking

breathing

loving

thinking

nurturing

worrying

sleeping

dreaming

crying

creating

falling

standing

reaching

smiling

working

living form of art.

And don’t you ever forget it.

I long to paint the sky. For colors to blend and bleed and slip around the sunset. To wash over the warmth of the wind as it weaves in waves of wonder. For what is the color of beauty? What hues do you see when it’s brushed across the horizon? Which tones are muted and hints are highlighted? To each their own beauty.

My Year With Prozac

My Year with Prozac:

(This is kind of a big deal for me to share but stepping out of my comfort zone has been the theme lately)

Around this time last year, I was really having a rough go of it. I’ll spare you specifics but I wasn’t the belle of the ball. It wasn’t the first time but it was the first time I decided I had had enough of drowning within myself.

So I asked for help.

And in seeking that help it was discovered that in my brain, coursing around my body, I had too much of one thing and not enough of another.

So on this day exactly one year ago, I held a little pill, half blue and half white.

I stood there, half with fear and half with hope.

And I took it that day. And the next. And at first, it robbed me of my energy and appetite. My focus and passions. It seemingly made me a little worse for a little while.

But out of moves, I took it. Day after day.

Until one day, I touched the surface of the water. I got stronger.

My fingertips brushed the air for the first time in a long time.

Pretty soon, my head was above the waves. They were rocky but I could breathe. And slowly I began to tread water.

I steadily became strong enough to deal with the “too much” while I got help with the “not enough.”

I became more balanced.

Am I balanced every single day? No.

Do I still have my down days? Anxious thoughts that can wreak havoc?

Yes. I probably always will. Sometimes the waves are choppy. And that’s okay.

It’s all part of growing. To keep going. Saying “and.” This year has taught me so much. This life is worth every breath we take.

Here’s to a year of change.

#endthestigma #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #prozac #serotonin #tattoo

Industrious

A stained window on the wall

Color washing in like a wave

Illuminating her dark quarters

Diamonds and triangles dance

Through slant cuts and shining suns

Even in moonlight she beams

Angles shift like tiny mysteries

Gears that never stop turning

Dull moments do not exist

While in her immersing presence

Solidly, she seeks her light

Longs to reach further places

Shapes to take better form

For she is too close to see it

The splendor she’s cast all along

Breathing

Is a battle all in itself

You look around and see the trees

Hear the road noise, feel the breeze

And realize you are living

Sometimes you just have to survive

But in truth, each day is a win

Every breath is a battle

Each time you open your eyes

Fresh from slumber or barely conscious

You’ve decided to continue

Learn to let go of what you can’t control

And just breathe;

Rally

Some mornings it takes a little more momentum to push the covers off of me

Sometimes I need to muster a bit more courage to speak

There are days when I have to try a little harder to move my feet

To put one in front of the other, raise my head and breathe

Some nights I toss and turn trying to slip into a slumber

While other times my eyelids are only longing to be lowered

And though there will be foggy days until the last sun I see

It only makes the days without it full of vibrant clarity